A Holiday for Sluttiness
Joel Stein is really onto something:
There’s no chance that harrumphing will return Halloween to the innocent and carefree days of threatening neighbors who don’t give you candy and vandalizing trees with toilet paper. So we need to invent a separate holiday when adults can get drunk and finally wear that pair of boots that seemed OK in the store but it turns out go up a little higher than you thought.
That’s why, after much research and consultation, I have founded our nation’s newest holiday: Slut Day.